So uproariously gay was the dance, and how they buffeted
each other on the bed and out of it! It was a pillow fight
rather than a dance, and when it was finished, the pillows
insisted on one bout more ...
As fiercely independent, bright and clever as the Aries girl is, the Aries man is even more so - in his own opinion. And he'll demand recognition of it eventually, no matter how he fools her, and himself, in the beginning. From the very first time she pushes through a door ahead of him, he'll feel the faint stirring of a desire to teach her that, in any tangle between a girl and a boy Ram, the male of the Sun Sign will win. He should decide to thus subdue her early in the game, or say goodbye. There may be a few noisy, tearful skirmishes before she catches on, but she'll blossom beautifully when she's allowed - no, forced - to become a woman.
However, demanding that she drop her career or job to take up the full-time job of waiting on his whims is not the most ideal way to unfold her womanhood, and establish his manhood. There are other ways. Unless she willingly sacrifices her "pie-them" occupation to warm his slippers, or join him in his personal goals, forgetting her own (which sometimes happens), it's best for him to let her stay out there where it's all happening. It would also be a wise mutual decision to let it be his income that pays the rent or mortgage, food and utilities bills. Her money can provide the extra things they'll need to satisfy the extravagant impulses they both frequently feel. That way, the male Aries will be solidly entrenched in the image of the masculine side of the team, and it's important to get that straight, right at the start.
I mean, let it be plainly understood that he is MAN and she is WOMAN. There will be lots of opportunities to wonder about the division of actual control in the relationship, and there's no sense adding to this by a confusion of sexual male-female roles.
The masculinity challenge of the Mars female begins the day she first zings the male Ram of her choice in the heart with her sparkling hopes and excitements, so much like his own, and will follow him through all sorts of living arrangements, including temporary geographical separation. She may try to dominate him by telephone, telegram or letter, if he's not within touching distance. Since the Aries man knows that no one has successfully dominated him from the time he was born, he might feel like calling it quits when he feels the first tug-of-war from an Aries girl, but he'd be smarter to curb his annoyance, and try to tame her instead.
Every Aries woman has a deep, hidden desire to be protected and defended by her man. In her private daydreams she is always the lovely, gentle Guinevere, and he is the kind, tender, strong Lancelot - or he'd better be if he doesn't want his Guinevere to become a frustrated Virginia Woolf, which is a very possible and most undesirable result when a man either leans too far backward with her, in an attempt to please - or leans too far forward, in an attempt to take charge. The former probably won't occur often, because leaning over backward is not a normal position or direction for the typical male Ram. Leaning too far forward is more likely. But he should understand that her Guinevere wish to be conquered is purely romantic and sexual. It has little or nothing to do with the personality, or other areas of her life. His masculine Mars macho that keeps her starry-eyed and emotionally fulfilled on a stroll along the beach, or in the privacy of the bedroom, won't normally be welcomed regarding activities separated from romance. She draws a sharp line between submitting romantically and submitting in other ways, and it's best for him to realize this if he wants to keep her. Expecting this lady to keep his curfews or follow his orders is unwise, but ignoring her is downright dangerous. He's capable of making all these mistakes until he learns she'll neither toe the line nor be brought to heel by the dictator treatment, because she's cut from the same mold as he - which was, of course, thrown away after the Aries Sun Sign was made. That's how Rams believe that the old saying got started "They threw away the mold when they made you, baby." They sure did. (Actually, it refers to the ancient potter's mold, but it fits the Aries situation quite aptly.)
The first thing the Aries girl will notice about her male counterpart is that he's even more bossy, belligerent and bellicose than she is. Obviously - and also fortunately. If she's puzzled by the Yin and the Yang of it, a brief meditation on her all-time-favorite faerie story might cause her to experience the dawn of comprehension.
This woman never failed to cry, as a child, when she read about the Prince charging bravely into the woods to find his Princess and awaken her from her lonely slumber with the kiss of True Love. (Aries females invariably get all soft and squishy inside at the mere thought of True Love, their idealism in affairs of the heart being as eternal as Spring itself.) But really now, dear Aries girl, when you're honest with yourself, would it all have been quite so magical if the fiery, courageous Princess had come charging bravely into the woods on her horse to claim her Prince and rescue him from the Wicked Witch? The same meditation should be practiced on all the other faerie tales she still believes in, and dreams of every fortnight or so. Imagine dainty Cinderella, red-faced, puffing and perspiring, as she tried to shove a glass Hush-Puppy on her Prince's foot, to see if it fitted him. Mother Nature knows what she's doing. The Aries man-woman relationship will stand a better chance of success if she permits him to steal her Mars thunder. It somehow sounds better coming from him - if he doesn't carry it too far. Besides, since she's no stranger to toughness herself, she knows very well, if she'll stop to ponder it, that his tough Aries facade is only a cover for his quivering Aries idealism, his desperate inner longing to be needed - and noticed.
All right, so she should notice him as he sits there astride his white horse, shooting off all that Aries bossiness to disguise his secret fear that no one will ever love him as much as he knows he needs to be loved (which is considerable) - unless he demands it. This man can be very tender and gentle, for all his brash independence, and he's an expert at pretending he's not hurt when he's actually been deeply wounded. She knows how that is. Since they're both aware of all these Mars secrets about each other, you'd think they would cool the fireworks, but it usually takes more than one painful lesson to teach them the futility of constant ego challenges. Often, the ultimate lesson is the frightening experience of nearly losing each other, then realizing at the last minute, before the ultimate and final disaster - like the old silent films Perils of Pauline serial - that meeting Force with Force never works.
If she'll do all her Mars charging at her man's enemies, instead of at him, he'll adore her for it, and in return he'll give her every bit as much loyalty as she gives him. That's certainly a fair trade. But somebody has to start it.
It may seem at first that these two are well mated sexually, since they both require essentially the same thing of love - that it be the kind of physical-emotional blending poets write about as the epitome of the soul-mate theory, which nearly every Arian believes in as absolute romantic dogma. Whether they use the term "soul-mate" itself or not, Rams never doubt, when they love, that their union was not only Made In Heaven, but also made to last throughout a lifetime - and beyond. However, before this potential peak of harmony becomes a reality, a serious obstacle must be overcome - the instinctive, although almost always unintentional, selfishness of this Sun Sign.
Now, everything everybody wants to know about sex (whether he - or she - has been afraid to ask or not) is based on either deliberate or non-deliberate selfishness, using the partner for self-gratification. Not how can I bring him (or her) more fulfillment, but how can I be more fulfilled? Sex-sex-sex. Doctors David Reuben, Masters and Johnson, Kinsey and Freud, have all explained it, tested it, researched it, analyzed it, observed it, photographed it, taped it, listened to it, written about it - just about everything but demonstrated it in public auditoriums. (Too much competition from stage, film and magazines.) But most men and women still haven't received the message.
It might be a good idea for these Mars lovers to buy one of those large posters, showing a couple walking, blissfully hand-in-hand, toward the mountains, the ocean or the cornfields, gazing into each other's eyes ... with the inscription at the bottom: LOVE BEGINS WHEN THE NEEDS OF SOMEONE ELSE BECOME MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR OWN.... and nail it firmly near their bed, right next to the tapestry depicting THE WEDDING OF ROMEO AND JULIET, which always hangs in spirit, if not in actuality, on the wall of every Aries bedroom. Romeo and Juliet were also soul-mates, you see but they were unselfish. It's not necessary for the Aries man and woman to end their honeymoon with a double suicide scene in order to prove unselfishness. A little thoughtful consideration on both sides will suffice.
When these traces of infantile selfishness have been erased by tenderness, the sexual sharing of love between these two can be an ecstatic exchange. With Aries, sex is composed of strange contradictions, barely comprehended, causing their mating to be an incredible combination of explosive desire, direct and penetrating, fiery and uncontrolled.... and haunting fragments of flowers in the rain, fresh breezes and glittering snow diamonds. That's what happens when the powerful thrust of Mars is gentled by being expressed through the naivete and starry wonder of the symbolic Aries Infant. It creates a rare and startling blend of abandoned, stormy emotion - and the peace of a still and silent dawn. At once primitive - and poetic. The alchemy of equal parts of searing passion and fragile innocence is very nearly a holy thing. Obviously, then, at its very best, the sexual union between two Rams can be an experience to cherish. Even at its worst, it will be interesting.
What will she do if he flirts with other girls? Well, what would he do if she flirts with other men? Same thing. An emotional explosion of the hydrogen bomb magnitude - which is just as foolish and suicidal to love as the actual hydrogen bomb is to our planet. Each Ram will let the other know unmistakably that iron bars on individual freedom will not be tolerated. But it's a one-sided freedom, since each of them refuses to be strangled by jealousy, while at the same time displaying intense jealousy of the other. Aries people do tend to want to have their cake and eat it, and it may take several noisy, emotional scenes to teach them that they can't have it both ways. They'll have to learn that love's not a game to be won, a battle to be fought or even a prize to be won. It's a gift - to be given. Rams will demand a lot of things from life, and get them. But no one, not even an Aries, can demand love.
He'll make it clear that she should not dare to be jealous of him, but she had better not even look at another man. She'll make it just as clear that he's not to smother her with jealousy, but at the same time, he d better not be caught glancing with the slightest flicker of interest at another woman.
You know what that is? It's selfish. If you're an Aries, you may not have thought about it like that, but think about it. Rams can even become jealous if they notice a smile on the loved one's face in sleep. Who is he (or she) dreaming about? And don't believe that very question hasn't been asked by lots of Aries couples in the morning. "Well, you must have had pleasant dreams last night. Were you meeting your old boy friend in your astral body?" And don't think the answer hasn't been: "It's none of your business what I dream. Besides, I noticed you weren't so anxious to wake up when I kissed you Good Morning just now. Were you lying there, half awake, practicing mental telepathy with that girl you flirted with at the supermarket last week?"
There are variations of dialogue, but such confrontations are a definite possibility when two Rams have promised to love, honor and cherish - but never to obey! The solution is for these two to practice their own telepathic communication, and to reassure each other of their undying devotion constantly, because the symbolic Infant's subconscious fear of losing love lies at the bottom of all Aries jealousy, incongruous as it may seem, as it struggles with the conscious Mars urge for personal independence. If he forgets to call to say he'll be later for dinner, who better than she should understand his need to follow a sudden impulse without first holding a committee meeting?
Should the winds of April call him away from the hearth, she may be simultaneously called to follow her own skylark cadenza, and when they return to each other, they can exchange magical tales of the wonders they nearly touched, the miracles they almost caught. An Aries man who's out there rushing after some new, exciting goal he just discovered is simply being true to himself, and the Aries woman who faces the truth must admit she couldn't really love a man who wasn't true to himself. The new, exciting goal needn't be a woman. Not unless it becomes a woman through her unfounded jealousy. If she trusts him completely, she probably won't regret it, because an Aries man, more so than any other Sun Sign male, will usually live up to exactly what's expected of him. And that works in reverse too. What's sauce for the goose is surely sauce for the gander between these lovers.
A couple of years ago I received a letter from an Aries woman married to an Aries man. They have three children, one Gemini and two Taureans. She described so well the happiness that can result from a double 1-1 Sun Sign vibration (with some effort) that I'm going to quote part of her letter here. She wrote, in part: "... and when I read aloud the last paragraph of the Aries woman section, in your book Sun Signs, to my also Aries husband - the part that says, 'She may be a little impulsive, bossy and independent, but you can't have everything' - he asked, 'What else would a man want?' My Aries husband understands me, and he'll always be able to hold me, even though I sometimes threaten to leave him when our Ram's horns clash. It's because, as your book says when I 'come running into his arms, my world all dark and dismal' - he holds me close, and comforts me, and would never, never say - 'What did you do to deserve it?' - like that darned Libra man you wrote about in Sun Signs! I never realized before just how important that is to me."
So, you see, an Aries-Aries relationship can work. And the two of them needn't sacrifice their Mars courage, initiative or independence. The Aries woman who wrote that letter ended it with a postscript: "I have a tremendous urge to tell you to add Ayn Rand to your list of prominent Aquarians. She fits it like a glove. But of course, you know I wouldn't sign off this letter without at least one suggestion on how to run your business."
An Aries to the end she was, but a girl Ram who's learned to admit her Mars need to take the lead, and can laugh about it, instead of either denying it or being ashamed of it - has learned an important lesson. You must love yourself (which requires both honesty and humor) before anyone else can love you. I'm sorry to say I've lost that lady Ram's name and address, since I typed out the excerpt from her letter, and if she reads this, I hope she writes again, so I can answer a vital question she asked.
If the Aries man and his Aries woman each practice the Golden Rule, and do unto one another as they would have the other do unto them, assuming their mutual Sun-Moon aspects are not discordant, their relationship will bring to them both the reward of emotional maturity, plus the best of all possible gifts the freedom to be completely themselves with one another, with no fear of rejection.
When they quarrel, he may threaten to leave her in the heat of the moment, but he probably won't. Not for keeps anyway. Once he's loved an Aries woman, all other girls will seem boring. (Restful, perhaps, by comparison, but boring.)
She feels the same way about him when she threatens to leave and doesn't mean it. But she should try to remember that he can chop wood, blast through granite mountains, pilot planes, build houses, govern a city, state or nation, change tires, practice medicine or law, produce and direct films, operate a tractor, and shovel snow - at least as well as she can. It may no longer be true that a woman's place is in the home. But it will be eternally true that a woman's place is inside her man's heart.
